


I Still Love You

by to_convey



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bennguin Quarantine Fest 2020, Getting Back Together, Inspired by Music, M/M, Not Hockey Players (Hockey RPF)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:13:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23362255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/to_convey/pseuds/to_convey
Summary: Tyler left Dallas behind, and Jamie with it.
Relationships: Jamie Benn/Tyler Seguin
Comments: 9
Kudos: 112
Collections: Bennguin Quarantine Fest 2020





	I Still Love You

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 2020 Bennguin Quarantine Fest! 
> 
> This fic would not be the same without Zoe. Thank you for teaching me how to make paragraphs. I literally cannot thank you enough for the help you lent me. 
> 
> Title from and inspired by the song Austin by Blake Shelton.

Three-hundred and sixty-seven days, six hours, and a handful of miserable minutes had passed since Tyler had walked away.

Walked away from Jamie.

Walked away from a man who had given him the world, who had committed himself to making Tyler smile. A man who had never complained about the excess dog hair Tyler frequently sported, a man who had cooked him breakfast, a man who had  _ loved _ him. He had seen Tyler for all that he was worth and had accepted him at face value, no ifs, ands, or buts.

Jamie Benn had been the best thing to happen to Tyler, possibly ever, and Tyler just. 

He walked away. 

Tyler told his buddies that it just wasn’t meant to be, that he and Jamie stopped clicking like they had in the beginning. If pressed, however, in ways only Brownie and his mother knew, Tyler admitted the truth. 

He was scared  _ shitless _ by Jamie. 

Jamie had his life in order. He had a stable career as an athletic trainer and knew generally where he wanted to be in ten, fifteen, twenty years. Jamie wanted it all: family holidays, shared custody of the dogs, maybe even an adopted kid or two. He wanted a home, white picket fence included.

Tyler had no idea what to do with the fact that Jamie looked at him and saw someone worth building that kind of life with. Tyler, who was brash and impulsive and had no idea what Jamie was thinking, tucked tail and ran back to Boston where his old life was waiting and all too easy to return to. He knew he couldn’t offer what Jamie was looking for - he wasn’t  _ good _ like Jamie was good. 

Tyler was a mess with a body count and lacked the sort of stability required for building a home. He jumped from shop to shop, job to job, because his life as a tattoo artist allowed him to keep the nomadic lifestyle. 

It’d been how he first met Jamie, in fact, in a worn-down shop in Deep Ellum. He and his brother had come in looking for matching tattoos and Tyler had been hooked from the first glance at Jamie’s sweet grin. He hadn’t had the foresight to realize just how much his life would change the moment after he asked Jamie out for a beer. Or how much it would hurt to leave Jamie behind.

In Tyler’s defense, he was thoroughly convinced he was doing Jamie a favor when he left Dallas. 

However, instead of the relief he had expected, Tyler spent the year suffering, unable to keep Jamie out of his mind for too long.

His thoughts strayed to those sweet, shy smiles, which, combined with Jamie’s big doe eyes made Tyler feel like the only person in the world. The way Jamie’s ears pinked when he blushed after Tyler teased him and the gentle way he gave as good as he got were both unfairly charming. And while Tyler hadn’t really been one for monogamy before Jamie, there was absolutely something to be said about having sex with someone who knew you  _ intimately _ , inside and out. Jamie’s uncanny ability to draw pleasure out of Tyler definitely resulted in the best sex of his life. 

Jamie’s kindness, determination, and focus drew Tyler to him like a moth to a flame and were a big part of why he had fallen in love with the man. They had balanced each other out so easily. Jamie was able to slow Tyler down every once in a while, and in return, Tyler had helped Jamie cut loose occasionally.

//

As it was, the same toxic friends who bred Tyler’s insecurities were waiting in Boston, ready to drag him out for drinks and parties and everything else he had left behind. 

Tyler changed his number and tried to leave Dallas, and Jamie, in his rearview. 

Despite his friend’s best efforts, though, Tyler stayed single throughout the year. He couldn’t even bring himself to find meaningless hookups. There was still that small, hopeful part of him that thought he could somehow measure up to the man Jamie had believed him to be, and if he reached that, maybe he could convince Jamie to take him back. 

//

A year was a good, long time for self-reflection, Tyler figured. 

It was also long enough for Brownie to smack some sense into him. His best friend wouldn’t let him forget how great he had it with Jamie, but Tyler  _ knew _ that much. Jamie hadn’t been perfect, sure, but he had damn near been close. 

The real kicker was that Brownie had also somehow wormed his way into Tyler’s mind and convinced him that he deserved the life he had with Jamie, plans for the future and domesticity and all. Brownie tried to convince Tyler that he _was_ good, that he deserved the happiness and security Jamie had provided. It took a lot of late-night dining and one or two drunken sobbing sessions, but slowly the idea bloomed in Tyler, too. Tyler wasn’t fully convinced yet, but Brownie hadn’t steered him wrong so far (except for that time in Vegas, but they _don’t_ _talk about Vegas_ ). 

Finally, Tyler was able to admit to himself that he had well and truly outgrown Boston, and had maybe made a mistake in returning. Jamie, after all, wasn’t in Boston. 

A job offer from a prestigious tattoo parlor back in Dallas sealed the deal. He packed his life back up, gathered his dogs, and returned to Texas. 

And well, once back in the city Jamie called home, Tyler could only hold out so long before trying his luck. 

In his new dinky apartment, surrounded by partially unpacked boxes, Tyler pulled his phone out. Armed with the most recent pep talk Brownie had given him (of which there had been many), he was ready to reach out to the man of his dreams for the first time in a year. Steeling himself with a deep breath and pressing his free hand against the counter so he could pretend he wasn’t shaking, Tyler pressed the call button. 

He felt his heart pound as the tone rang.

What if Jamie didn’t want to hear from him? What if Jamie somehow guessed it was Tyler calling and blocked him right away? What if Jamie was over Tyler? 

Oh god, what if he had found someone else who was willing to give him what he wanted without disappearing for a year first? 

The ringing seemed to last forever, and when it finally ended, Tyler felt his heart drop. Jamie’s voicemail started to play. Out of all the things he had prepared for, he hadn’t planned on Jamie not answering.

Despite the feeling of disappointment, his breath caught when he heard Jamie’s voice for the first time since he had left. 

“Hey, you’ve reached Jamie. If you’re calling about the ad for the bike, I sold it. If it’s Tuesday night, I’m at the Stars game with some buddies. If you’re trying to sell me something, I won’t be buying it. If it’s anyone else, wait for the tone, you know what to do. 

“And uh, if this is Boston, I still love you.”

Tyler’s phone clattered to the counter.

Had he heard that right? It didn’t seem possible. What kind of man would hang on that long? 

Eyes wide and staring at his phone as if it held some sort of answer, Tyler exhaled slowly. He couldn’t believe his luck. Jamie had held out for him. Jamie still  _ loved _ him. It was more than Tyler deserved after undoubtedly causing Jamie so much pain, but he wasn’t about to lose this opportunity. 

A quick glance at his NHL app confirmed it was, in fact, Tuesday evening, and the Stars were playing the Penguins at home.

Tyler settled on his newly delivered couch and put the game on, Gerry pushing into his lap, Cash and Marshall sprawled on the rug. If he was hoping to catch a glance of Jamie somewhere in the crowd, well, no one had to know. 

Oh well, he had his puppies. They obviously loved him, and that was all the affection he needed, right?

If only Tyler could convince himself of that. 

//

After four days of internal debate, Tyler dialed Jamie’s number again before he could talk himself back out of it. 

He honestly couldn’t say if he wanted Jamie to pick up or not. Tyler was half convinced he had dreamed up the message on Jamie’s voicemail, the one that confirmed Jamie still wanted, still loved him. Almost sure it had been a fluke, Tyler held his breath as the dial tone once again ran its course.

“Hey, this is Jamie. If it’s Friday night, I’ve got plans with the guys, and Saturday morning Jordie is dragging me out to the lake as long as the weather’s good. I’ll be back on Sunday and I’ll get back to you then. 

“And if this is Boston, I still love you.”

Relief washed over Tyler. He hadn’t dreamt it. It hadn’t been a one-time throw-away comment. 

Jamie really held out this long on the off chance Tyler would call. Tyler quickly rattled off his phone number at the beep, but decided not to say anything else. He didn’t want Jamie to have more of a chance to recognize his voice and write him off, regardless of what he’d said in the message. Tyler was going to plead his case when Jamie was able to actively listen and respond. 

//

Tyler spent the entirety of Sunday with his phone in his hand and the ringer at full volume. He took every precaution to ensure he wouldn’t miss Jamie’s return call, desperate not to miss his chance. 

After the third time catching himself pacing the length of his living room, phone at the ready, Tyler attempted to find ways to keep himself busy and distracted. He took his boys on an extra-long walk to re-orient them with Dallas, actually cooked something for lunch, and even cleaned his damn bathroom. 

All before three o’clock. 

It was arguably Tyler’s most productive Sunday ever. 

Finally, a little after five in the evening, the call came. Despite readying himself for the call, Tyler almost fell out of his seat and fumbled with his phone as his hands shook with nerves. He’d already planned what he wanted to say, it was just a matter of actually getting the words out. 

He swiped to answer the call and took a deep breath. 

“If you’re calling about my heart, it’s still yours. I should have listened to it a little more. Because goddamnit, Jamie, I made a mistake leaving.” Tyler’s voice shook as he continued past the silence on the other line. “I should have known it would be a mistake and all I can hope for is another chance. And well, this is Boston, and I still love you, too.”

By the end, Tyler was breathing heavily. Nervousness coursed through him, and he was unable to settle until he heard Jamie breathe out, “Ty,” almost like a prayer. 

Tyler cleared his throat. “Yeah, Jame. It’s me,” he whispered. He was unwilling, or maybe unable, to raise his voice at risk of ruining the quiet moment. 

There was more dreadful silence and Tyler held his breath as he waited for Jamie’s response, his free hand clenched into a fist, nails cutting into his palm. 

After a few painful moments, Jamie spoke quickly, his words rushed. “Can I come see you?”

Tyler whooshed out a breath, relief filling him. “Yeah, Jamie, of course you can.” 

He quickly rattled off his address. 

“Okay. Okay, I’ll be there in twenty,” Jamie said, and after another short pause, he added, “And Ty? I’m really glad you called.”

//

Tyler was pacing again. If this tension kept up, he’d soon wear a hole in his living room rug. The dogs watched him from their beds, eyes tracking him as if they couldn’t decide if they, too, should be nervous. Time seemed to pass at a snail’s pace, one minute taking hours. 

Finally, finally, there was a knock at the door. His boys jumped up and stood at attention, eyeing the door curiously. 

Tyler wiped his hands along his thighs, attempting to rid them of sweat. Oh god, when had he started sweating? He hoped it wouldn’t put Jamie off. As he reached the door, he took a moment to collect himself, one hand hovering over the lock. 

It was Jamie, after all, who had asked to see him. This couldn’t end  _ that _ badly, could it?

One more deep breath. 

Tyler flipped the lock, bottom lip caught between his teeth. As he swung open the door, he couldn’t help but stare at the man revealed on the other side. 

Jamie looked both exactly the same and completely different. He was the same fuck off tall, broad, and undeniably handsome. His big hands were clasped in front of him as he wrung them nervously, so familiar from all the countless times Jamie’d touched him. But he’d gotten a haircut, too, buzzed sides with some length left on top, and Tyler couldn’t deny it suited him. His eyes seemed brighter than he remembered, but Tyler figured he was romanticizing them a little. 

Oh well, screw it. It was the first time he’d seen this beautiful man in over a year and he had no idea what was coming, he could get away with a little romanticizing. 

As Tyler stood, soaking him in, eyes running over Jamie’s form, he noticed the other man was even sporting some new tattoos. He couldn’t help but bristle a little at the thought of someone else daring to put ink under Jamie’s skin. He was so focused on it that he was caught off guard by something barreling into the back of his knees, causing him to stumble.

His three, fully grown,  _ heavy _ labs rushed forward, jumping all over Jamie with their tails wagging and tongues lapping. The tense standoff between the two men was broken and Jamie fell to his knees, soaking in their affection. 

They’d obviously missed Jamie, too.

“Hey. Yeah, yeah, boys, I missed you,” Jamie said lowly, attempting to give all three dogs the scritches they demanded. He smiled softly at them, laughing a little as he got caught by Cash’s tongue in the face. 

Tyler felt something warm bloom in his chest, flowing freely through him. No one who was that happy to see his babies would be planning to punch him in the face for breaking their heart, right?

Tyler leaned back against the wall in the small entryway, watching the exchange with a sweet smile. Words bubbled up in his throat without his permission. 

“I missed you,” he blurted, biting his lip to halt any other unexpected words. 

Jamie’s eyes snapped to his and suddenly Tyler couldn’t breathe. How could he have forgotten how Jamie’s attention made him feel? He froze as Jamie slowly rose from his position on the floor. Tyler started to reach out to help him up, before snatching his hand back like he had burned himself, unsure if Jamie would still welcome the touch. 

“I missed you, and I love you, and I’m stupid and so, so sorry, Jamie,” Tyler rushed out, his eyes locked on Jamie’s, hoping Jamie could sense how sincere he was. 

Jamie stared back, eyes searching. After a long moment, it seemed he found what he was looking for because he pressed forward to gather Tyler into his arms. 

“I missed you, too, Tyler,” he breathed into Tyler’s hair.

Tyler felt the tension bleed out of him and he melted into Jamie, burying his face in his neck. He couldn’t help but breathe in the clean, familiar scent of his skin. There were traces of the same cologne Jamie always wore, one Tyler had gotten him for his birthday forever ago. He couldn’t help but smile a little. How was he this lucky?

Tyler soaked it in for a long moment before he pulled back enough to look Jamie in the eye again. 

“I was seriously so stupid, and I can explain, and I’m not making excuses bu-” Jamie cut off Tyler’s rambling sentence with a soft kiss. Tyler felt himself melt all over again. 

How in the hell had he walked away from this? He draped his wrists over Jamie’s shoulders and felt Jamie’s strong arms tighten around his waist in return. It was as if a two-ton rock had lifted off of Tyler’s chest with the first brush of lips. An ache that had been present in his bones for the last year finally settled as he got lost in the feel of  _ Jamie _ .

After what seemed like hours, but was more like a couple minutes, Jamie pulled away, but only far enough to rest his forehead against Tyler’s. 

“We… we can talk about it tomorrow, yeah? We need to, but… let’s just have this for tonight.” Jamie spoke softly, his hooded eyes gazing down at Tyler. Tyler felt himself nod the best he could while still pressed against Jamie, allowing himself a few more seconds there. 

Finally, Tyler tore himself away, reaching down to tangle their fingers together and pull Jamie towards the couch. They both tripped a little over the dogs still vying for Jamie’s attention, but they made it to the couch without incident. Immediately after they both sank down into the cushions, Cash draped himself over Jamie’s lap, Marshall settled over Jamie’s feet, and Gerry squeezed himself in the empty space between Jamie and the arm of the couch. 

Tyler couldn’t help but grin at his boys. They were as desperate to bask in Jamie’s presence as Tyler himself. 

Jamie caught his eye, a playful smile twisting his own lips. Something was playing on the TV but Tyler couldn’t have, for the life of him, told you what it was. He was completely caught in that moment by how lucky he was to have this, the man he loved snuggled up beside him, his babies pressed in close. He was almost convinced he’d lost this, but Jamie continued to prove him wrong. 

There was a long road ahead of them, of rebuilding trust and relearning each other, but Tyler silently committed himself to make this work, no matter what. There was no way he was stupid enough to leave this behind again. 

“Hey Dallas? I still love you.”

“Yeah. Yeah, Boston, I still love you, too.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fiction I've written in years, and the first fanfic I've written in even longer. I welcome any and all comments. You can leave them here or find me on [ tumblr ](https://capbennie.tumblr.com) to chat!


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